“Gods suppressed become devils, and often it is these devils whom we first encounter when we turn inward.”
― Joseph Campbell
To: mikekenan email@example.com, kenan5 firstname.lastname@example.org, jkenan02 email@example.com, duffyjr3 firstname.lastname@example.org, connor.kenan email@example.com, bojones firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Mike, Jane, Julie, Connor, and Bob Jones (Bob's and Julie's addresses are @verizon, so were BLOCKED from getting my LAST mass-emailed posting and I did NOT also email from my other address so they and all those at aol.com who were also blocked got my promise not to mass email. Also, Bob is one who made clear he reads my blog religiously -- enough).
I would encourage all of you to read my blog -- especially since I was sprung from the bin Monday and did not blog until late Tuesday. You might be surprised by some of my self-criticism. My commitment was inappropriate, but my handling it was accepting what I could not change, and then making the best of what it was. In the end, my (married) shrink Julia Triggs (who reminded me TOTALLY of Martha Stewart in appearance and breezy, informal, and EFFECTIVE counselling manner), and (un-married), nurse practitioner (has prescribing rights), Rita Peccicciari -- and I got along with NEITHER of them at first -- were kidding around like CRAZY. I even joked about playing Beach Blanket Bingo with Rita, a Pennsylvania native who fell in love with Wilmington's warmth and beaches.
So I will finally CONFESS my sins of the past. From about 1994 until early 2009, when Alexandra Widdons of PACT ATL took me OFF psych drugs saying in eight years I had never shown a sign of Bipolar Illness and that Lithium was highly damaging to organs and I'd been on it far too long, I was only taking two 300 mg capsules per day -- rather than the four as prescribed. Then I bulked up on it a few days before Lithium levels were taken to get a good result. Funny that I now know that taking it at THREE capsules/day for five days yields 0.74 ppm, 0.6 is the minimum therapeutic level. When I fled Georgia for Mexico, I had to dispose of a whole DRESSER DRAWER of saved-up, un-taken Lithium from all those years. I had been afraid if I was found out for not taking it I would be RE-COMMITTED or JAILED -- that was how "terrorized" I had been by Mom and her allies over it.
This brings us to something Mike insisted to me by phone while I was in hospital -- that Mom did NOT kill Uncle Bob. Strictly speaking, Mike is correct. But Mom gave me all her notes on me going back through the 1978 incident. The most obvious thing is how involved Mom was and the level of research she had done on all. She wrote that a 1.5 level assures "chemically induced diabetes". Uncle Bob was a MESS -- that is true -- carrying his bag of info on Hypoglycemia everywhere, even making a couple of talk show appearances.
Bob was ALSO going to all kinds college basketball games and leering over the hot young bodies. Bob TWICE told me he was actually gay, but I have no idea if he acted on it. Mom and Dad often stopped for a night at my house in Stone Mountain when they went to check on Bob, and Mom always pushed for the importance of Bob taking "double strength Lithium" for his diagnosis of "Mono-Polar" -- a diagnosis that is an INSULT to English grammar. So THAT is why I said it -- and the time at Karen's wedding in 1980 +/-, when I traveled with them to it -- while they thought I was asleep in the back seat and Dad finally could pass a slow tractor trailer on a winding mountain road, I was SHOCKED nearly beyond belief when Mom declared. "Bill, I'm going to give him THE FINGER!!!"
It was at that wedding (where joints flowed endlessly and Aunt Pat arrived in a limousine with her younger man-stud -- totally stoned on cocaine), that Mom first told anyone (except she had earlier told me), about her retarded uncle forcing her to oralize him repeatedly when she was six, and it was also where Janet Meyer claimed publicly that Uncle Bob told her that Mom went to Karen's wedding but not Jan's -- BECAUSE JAN MARRED A JEW. Mom got wind of that and very publicly marched to Bob's room and told him she would crown him with a cast iron skillet if he ever said such a thing again!!!
REMEMBER: All of Bob's children joked about the fact that the youngest, Kristen, had a DIFFERENT FATHER that they often saw in shopping malls in South Bend growing up -- and Kristen looks JUST LIKE HIM. So much for Holy Roman Catholicism in Family Construction -- LOL!!!
ALSO REMEMBER that all of Dad's relatives on the Lower Cape Fear have known for years and YEARS that our cousin Graham Harlee Kenan -- eight years older than me -- is actually our HALF-BROTHER. So much for Holy Southern Baptism -- HA!!!
I also want to say that they might have lied to me about things they claimed Mike said on the phone to my Social Worker -- just to see how much of a rise they would get out of me. I'm a big enough person to handle ANY kind of crap -- the advantage of my totally a-typical life that has had to deal with much such. In the end, they claimed Mike said that NOW, I am the Scott that all my family and friends love and remembered. Mike told me he didn't remember WHAT he said, and had had little idea what he was doing.
BOTTOM LINE: I am a WRITER and all of them -- and every one of you -- are FABULOUS CHARACTERS, so OF COURSE I love you all THROUGH-AND-THROUGH!!!
Now, my appeal for financial help at the moment. Let me first say that I might have legal claims for damages (not really large ones), against Jonathan Deputy and Gold Walker will be explored. I might contact SCORE for suggestions on where and how to get a part time job -- or with Vets. I get along GANGBUSTERS with military veterans -- BEST OF ALL GROUPS!!!
And there was a young guy in the bin, not yet out, who is to contact me, but I had no time to give him the specifics except to google "Kenan blog" and get email from there, who is doing some kind of project interviewing people about Tennessee Williams. We very briefly discussed that I would LOVE to work with some young person to develop a one-man show (with a possible side-kick), that was HIGH COMEDY -- yet highly informative -- on Tennessee Williams, the crazy wealthy Kenans, and maybe some of y'all as well. I'm a PERFECT NATURAL to do such a thing while remaining open to all manner of spontaneous changes. If I don't hear from him within a week, I'll contact the head of the Theater Department at UNCW to see if they have a student (or even several), interested -- and then part of the proceeds would go to the school. Kenans SUPPORT HIGHER EDUCATION -- THAT is the "Kenan Calling")!!!
So, I found I had a few hundred dollars when I was sprung, and with Mom's assurance that Mike could help me out, I went ahead and retired all my current debts to the dentist and cable company, bought my NEW MEDS, bought a PLASTIC shelving unit for only $30.00 (better than the $89.00 stainless one I mentioned to Mike), and REFILLED my pantry of staples (frozen chicken breasts, cereal, frozen berries for cereal, frozen pizzas, cans of beans for soup, etc.). It had gotten completely depleted while Seth stayed here.
I will need $150.00 for heart meds, about $150.00 for my co-pay on tests, and doctor and shrink appointments in early April (I was told that Medicare will pay 80% of the hospital bill of 10 nights @ $1,200.00 per night MINIMUM, or over $12,000.00 -- and that the state of NC has programs to cover the rest of it -- this being ANOTHER PROMISED THING that I did NOT get on release, but when I'm billed I can find out about it).
As all know, other than writing, what keeps me sane is gardening and cooking. Joseph Faulk had always giving me an extra 300.00 - 400.00 each year in planting season. But NOW I have a lot of planters and they have soil, so $100.00 would be a nice help there if it is affordable.
I'm using SEEDS this year for much of it!!! I already stocked food, and what I would LIKE is a gas grill. The small one at Costco for $300.00 is a Kitchen Aide, but Lowe's has equivalent from another company for $200.00. BETTER THAN THAT, there is a table-top one that is stainless and folds up like a suitcase and uses the small bottles of propane -- BETTER for moving, etc., for $100.00. Propane is two bottles for $8.00. And there are cheap-assed ones for about $35.00, but when I had one years ago, it was VERY uneven heating.
That is a total of $500.00 (includes the $100.00 grill and 100.00 for gardening -- although I'd love $100.00 for MAD MONEY as well, but I'm afraid to ask for so much)!!!
Maybe it is BALLSY for me to ask for so much, but if you want to pick and choose what you can support, that is FINE. If Mike sends money today, it will clear before the weekend -- but I have about $65.00 to my name and no IMMEDIATE need to spend, so clearing later is not a problem.
Thanks for your consideration and attention to MY side of the story -- and my needs/desires. This email will be blogged -- so that ALL can see "My Confessions".
“Do not feed children on maudlin sentimentalism or dogmatic religion; give them nature.”
― Luther Burbank
This image of Tennessee Williams and me as we entered the Reagan White House, early December 1981 was first published in "W" magazine, a copy of the current issue was in Dewey H. Bridger III, MD's office, yesterday, reminding me of that. In 2009, I paid $400.00 to Getty Images to use it anywhere that I am NOT making money.